Making new friends as an adult can be challenging, especially when moving to a new city. However, by consistently going somewhere where you will see the same people, talking to them, and finding something you are enthusiastic about, it is possible to build a new community and develop a social life.
Making New Friends as an Adult: A Personal Experience
As I approached my mid-30s, I started to notice that my friends in New York were gradually disappearing. Some had moved out of the city, while others had become focused on their careers or started families, making it harder for us to hang out. I eventually found myself in a similar situation when I moved to Philadelphia with my wife.
The Challenges of Building a New Community
We were drawn to Philly by its affordability, but we underestimated how difficult it would be to build a new community from scratch. As an introverted freelancer, I didn’t have colleagues that I saw every day, which made it even harder for me to meet new people and make friends.
The Formula for Making New Friends
While self-help books might suggest manifesting new people in your life or taking cold plunges to change your personality, the key to finding a community is much simpler. The formula for making new friends as an adult is:
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Consistently go somewhere where you will see the same people, such as a gym or book club.
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Talk to those people and engage in conversations.
Putting the Formula into Practice
I tried this approach when I first joined a gym in Philadelphia. However, it was difficult for me to strike up conversations with others during most gym activities. In fact, I only managed to talk to strangers twice – once in the steam room and another time in the locker room when I was panicking because I couldn’t find my clothes.
Finding an Unexpected Way to Make New Friends
It wasn’t until I discovered a passion for squash that things started to change. I took a lesson on a whim and became obsessed with the sport. This led me to spend more time at the gym, where I met people who shared similar interests. While I don’t have a new pack of best friends yet, I’ve definitely become happier and have a better social life.
The Importance of Enthusiasm
As Arwa Mahdawi writes in her article, “enthusiasm is everything.” If you find something you’re genuinely excited about, it’s much easier to find a community. Forcing yourself to try new things is also key. I never thought I’d be the type to enjoy squash, but now I love it.
Conclusion
While making new friends as an adult can be difficult, it’s not impossible. Joining a gym or a book club might not always work, but finding something you’re enthusiastic about and trying new things can lead to meeting new people and developing a social life.
